You're So Vain
by Your Saving Grace is Here
Summary: Lana puts Lola in her place through the magic of song. Another very random little one-shot. Apologies to Carly Simon.


On a lovely, bright, sunny, summer day in Royal Woods, Michigan, young Lana Loud was sitting in the bedroom she shared with her twin, Lola; the older, tomboy twin had her eyes afixed to the ant farm sitting next to her bed, watching this tiny little colony with all the amazement of the little six-year-old girl she is.

"Whoa, you guys are really goin' at it!" Lana exclaimed. "Look at you guys! Sweat, toil, work-work-work! I could watch this for hours, I kid you not!"

She noticed one smaller ant was dragging the line in a lower tunnel of the farm, "Uh oh! Better pick up the pace there, Antoinette, you're falling behind!

In another tunnel further up, she saw the way a bigger, stronger ant was excavating its way further down, thus lengthening the tunnel, "Nice job, Anthony! That tunnel's a real beaut!"

As the critter-loving girl continued watching, who should make a grand entrance into the room than her prim and prissy twin sister, Lola; sporting another brand new, sparkling and shimmering dress. "Lola Loud is in da house!"

Stunned from the sudden entrance, Lana turned around to find her twin showing herself off in her new dress.

"Whoa, you're sparkling brighter than the homemade rock candy me and Pops tried making last month!" Lana said of her twin's ensemble.

"I know," beamed Lola. "Leni made it for me!"

"What kinda color is that, anyway?" Lana asked.

Lola scoffed at her twin's lack of knowledge, "Ugh! Really, Lana? You don't know the loveliest shade of apricot when you see it?"

"Apricot. Of course. Fruit's a color now, just like zebra." Lana muttered, while rolling her eyes.

"Is it not the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?" Lola asked, as she twirled around, allowing the skirt of the dress to spin in the breeze.

"Oh, it's a thing, alright..." muttered Lana once again.

"And does it not make me the most beautiful girl you have ever seen?" Lola asked, while flashing another one of her humongous, gap-toothed smiles.

"I'll tell you what it makes you..." began Lana. "No... I'll SING what it makes you."

The big smile across Lola's little face was quickly replaced with a look that combined a sense of confusion and offense. "What are you talking about?"

Lana began:

_You walked into the party _  
_Like you were walking onto a yacht_

Lola was confused, "I've never even been on a yacht!"

Lana continued:

_Your tiara strategically tipped to one side _  
_Your dress, it was apricot_

Lola was still confused, "Lans, what is your deal?"

Lana continued:

_You had one eye on the mirror _  
_As you watched yourself gavotte_

Lola was still confused, "What in the world does gavotte mean?"

Lana continued:

_And all the boys dreamed they'd be your partner,_  
_They'd be your partner, and..._

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you_

Lola was insulted, "Oh, uh-uh! You did NOT just call Lola Loud vain!"

Lana continued:

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you_

"I don't know!" Lola insisted.

_Don't you?_

"I don't know!" Lola repeated.

_Don't you?_

"I DON'T KNOW!" Lola yelled.

Luna stepped into the room, strumming away on her classical guitar, as she accompanied Lana for the next few verses:

_You had them several years ago  
When they were still naive_

Lola was not particularly pleased with Luna dropping in like this, "Who let you in here?

Lana and Luna continued:

_You said that you made such a pretty pair  
And that you would never leave_

Lola's confusion grew, "Who are you even talking about?"

Lana and Luna continued:

_But you gave away the things your loved  
Like they were cheap and free_

Lola quickly rebutted the last line, "Lola Loud does NOT give away things cheap and free!"

Lana and Luna continued:

_I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee  
Clouds in my coffee, and.._.

Lola's confusion returned, "'Clouds in your coffee'?"

Lana and Luna continued:

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you_

Lola rebutted again, "I think you guys are just JEALOUS, that's what I think!"

Lana and Luna continued:

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you_

Lola added, "Well, who else are you singing about?"

_Don't you?_

"Yes," muttered Lola.

_Don't you?_

"YES!" Lola screamed.

Lana resumed singing solo, while Luna continued to strum away on her guitar:

_I hear you went to Saratoga  
And your horse naturally won_

Lola's anger and annoyance at her twin singing this unflattering song continued to grow, "It was a PONY, and he DIED!"

Lana continued:

_Then you flew your learjet up to Nova '__Scott-tee-uh'_  
_To see the total eclipse of the sun_

Lisa popped her head into the room to interject, "It is pronounced Nova 'Skoh-SHA', and either way, it does not rhyme with Saratoga."

Lana continued:

_You're where you should be all the time  
And when you're not, you're with some underworld spy_

Lola offered yet another rebuttal, "I don't get mixed up with Lucy's friends!"

_Or your twin sister's boyfriend  
Twin sister's boyfriend, and..._

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you_

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you_

_Don't you?_

_Don't you?_

Luna continue strumming away on her guitar, tuning out the twins' latest squabble.

"Are you implying that I stole your boyfriend?" Lola asked. "When did you ever have a boyfriend to begin with?"

"Well, remember, I wanted to ask Tony Reilly to be my Valentine, but he asked you instead?" Lana asked.

"You can't blame me for that," argued Lola. "You know the boys in class can't resist me!"

"Yeah, 'cause you're so conceited and boy-crazy, you gotta have 'em all to yourself, don't you?" Lana asked.

"Please, you're just jealous, Lana!" Lola said.

"Yeah, right," replied Lana, sarcastically. "I'm jealous of an egotistical and narcissistic little brat like you."

"Okay, that's it! It's go time!" Lola snapped.

With that, the twins engaged in another one of their brawls - complete with a cartoonish dust cloud - all the while, Luna just kept strumming away on her guitar, and humming the tune to herself.


End file.
